Friday, February 18, 2011

-- What to feel now? --

So it's February and as part of my 2011 scheme I went through several interviews for different jobs across Dublin, as I worked a little with events.

Sold cameras for a day again (or tried to), waited tables for the countryside people and handed out chocolates and roses wearing a tux to complete strangers on Valentine's Day, while in between I would have high shots of coffee injected into my blood stream thanks to my favourite barista Blanka who has now become a good friend of mine.

Love had been an important part of my life ever since last year when without knowing I had fallen for this special person. Love works in mysterious ways they say and we can't really control what we feel.
I know for a fact that this was definitely the case and the times I shared and had over the past months were amazing.
This feeling kept me going for the past months, through rough times and a very raw winter. This person who I would wake up in the morning with and just be thankful to God for another day next to her. My warm blanket in the cold winter, my motivation when all I wanted was crying and my reason to stay when all I wanted was to leave.

What to feel now? In a city where every single corner reminds you of that someone special? How do you bear with it?

I still have no answers of what just happened and I might never do. One thing I'm sure: my feelings are strong and I am sure of what I feel. And my wasted heart will still miss her every night and day because what we had, is not something you can have every day, a lifetime best friend.

My mind is confused and so many things have happened in the past 48 hours. I'm still a little dizzy since I read that dreadful e-mail and even though all I wanted to do was crying on a corner, I gathered enough courage to go to a final interview for a job position I had applied to and pretended my whole life was just perfect (Oh the cabin crew training worked so well on this one).

So for 15 minutes, all I did was talking about my life, about my experiences with passengers and my compulsive obsession with smiling at them and smiled a lot (again). Pressure was huge but the recruiters were extremely nice.
All I know is that at the end of the interview and as I walked on the streets back home I cried like a baby without caring about the people watching around...I just needed to vent.

When I got home and as I was just staring at the empty space laying on my back I got a call from them...they had liked me and I was hired.
I start next Friday the 25th as a proud staff member of the Guinness Storehouse, one of the main attractions -if not the main one- in the city, home of the world famous Guinness black-brownish draught beer, so if you ever happen to be in Dublin my dear Readers, feel free to come visit me (I'll sign some autographs for you *sic*) and we'll have a laugh.

Big question right now is, what should I feel like? I had waited for this moment ever since I arrived into Dublin and now that happened, I couldn't feel a thing.
When I hang up the phone I was petrified and for several minutes I just kept staring at the space, maybe waiting for a hug or a good slap on the back that would never come.

Someone wise once said : "Happiness is only real when shared".Just guess this applies to me right now in the perfect way because in the end, what's success if when you finally get the call you waited for for months, nobody is around to hug you and cry of happiness with you?

See you around people and thanks for reading about all my whining.